i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
