I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
