i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
