i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize