this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
