marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
false alarm. still invincible.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
