his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
