If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
