You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
