This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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