I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
