Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
