Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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