i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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