I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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