Rock
Scissors
Fuck
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
