When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
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And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
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I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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