she smelled like a LAN party
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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