Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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