Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
