Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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