fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i already hear my dad disowning me
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
