Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
