Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
