get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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