the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
