There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
