what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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