We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
