i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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