She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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