why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Pants are for mortals
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
