just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
