Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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