My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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