whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
