come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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