you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
