Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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