Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
