Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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