I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
