a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
