She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
