The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
