so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
