I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
