Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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