If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
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