what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Im part way to drunk.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
