So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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