Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
