I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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