I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
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