Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
