Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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