just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We had sex on a dog bed..
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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