I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
