Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
