omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
