You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
