he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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