the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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