I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
