If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
