Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
