i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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