he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
