Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
