i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
