I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
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