I can tuck mytits in my pants
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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