pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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